I Had Fun Getting Fat.

& 5 Signs You Need To Make A Change

 

I spent all last year experimenting.

I did things I’d literally never done before.

I went completely out of my comfort zone.

I went against my better judgement and did things I’m not proud of. But it was a good experience, and in some ways made me a much better person, in other ways not so much.

I gained 30 lbs. Honestly probably closer to 40. But who’s counting?

I. Ate. Everything. 

I drank wine every day.

I worked out maybe once or twice a week. Maybe not.

I did a whole lot of nothing, and I loved it.

I have always been one for an active lifestyle, but last year, after baby #3, it just felt like too much. I felt like the pressure to get back into shape was overwhelming, but not so much as the pressure to be a happy & functioning human being. And something had to give.

So I chose the latter. I chose to listen to that little brat inside my head telling me that it was “okay” to eat whatever I wanted, drink whenever I wanted and skip a few dozen workouts. In the name of my mental health, it was the best thing for me. I wasn’t in a place where I could be happy and healthy mentally AND work on my physical fitness.

I knew that, I acknowledged it, and I listened to what I needed.

But now I need a change. 

I have felt it stirring for the past few months. I have felt my body and my mind showing me the signs that there was something not right anymore.

I had to read the signs carefully, though. Despite some serious weight gain and the usual #momlife stuff, I was happy. I enjoyed it all…

Full disclosure: I had fun getting fat. 

Maybe a little too much fun.

I had never let myself go there before. I have always been strict with my eating and drinking, always followed an intense exercise regimen, because it always worked for me. It was always what made me feel good and feel good about myself. But last year that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t what my body wanted.

What my body wanted was cheese. And pizza. And kettle corn. And peanut butter cups. And red wine. And anything else you could throw at it.

I watched more Netflix last summer alone than I think I have in my entire life. I just needed rest. I craved comfort. And I went for it.

And if I’m being totally honest, I loved it.

But in the fall things started to change. It didn’t feel good anymore.

I went all summer without feeling bad about my body. In fact I had felt really good. I wore bikinis at the beach and my shortest shorts with no regrets. I never compared or felt concerned about what other people thought. I was just living and having fun and it felt good.

So when I started to feel like I wanted to make some changes, it was important for me to know that they were coming from the right place. And that whatever I did or didn’t do was still in the pursuit of happiness and health.  However I chose to make those changes, I needed to be acting out of integrity.

Needless to say over the past few months I’ve thought tirelessly about this, and as I approach this stage of going full force into making a big life change, I want to know that I’m acting out of honesty, integrity, and with my best intentions at heart. With that in mind, I’ve compiled a list of the most obvious signs that I needed a change, and if you see them popping up in your life, it’s probably time for you to seek change too.

5 Signs You Need to Make a Change

 

  1. You spend more time hating on your body than you do loving on it.

    When you look in the mirror each morning is your automatic reaction a  “daamnnn girl” or “oh no”…? It’s really pretty simple. Are you wallowing in self pity or cheering yourself on? When I was spending more time staring the mirror reminiscing on what I used to look like that feeling proud of what my body had accomplished, I knew it was time for a change.
  2. You compare yourself to other and long for what they have.

    It doesn’t even have to be about your body. If you’re comparing your life, your car, your job, your kids, anything at all it’s a sure sign of dissatisfaction with what you have going on in your own life. It’s just your brain’s way of distracting you from the things it’s not happy with in your life. If you are constantly comparing yourself to other moms, friends, people in the media, you may want to stop and re-examine what it is you’re unhappy with in your life.
  3. You have no energy when you wake up in the morning.

    Now I know we’re all moms here so there’s a big part of this that we can’t change, but if you wake up every single morning more tired than when you went to bed, there is definitely something wrong.  After a night of sleep, or honestly even a few hours, you should wake up refreshed, looking forward to the new day. If your life doesn’t even make you want to get out of bed, it’s definitely time for a change.

  4. You count down to bed time.

    This kind of goes with #3 but particularly as it pertains to moms, this one is all bad. If your life makes you so miserable that you don’t even want to be awake for it, literally counting down ’til it’s over, then it is definitely time for an intervention. That is no way to live. You need to make a change. But I’m guessing by now you already know that.

  5. There is something you’ve wished for for years and never accomplished.

    AKA: You’ve known this whole time you need a change but have never through with it. You have all the excuses. You did it before kids, but it’s just out of reach now that you’re a mom. You have all the reasons why that’s just not how you do things. You’ve tried everything. Whatever it is, I’ve probably said it to myself a hundred times, and I see right through it. You’ve never put yourself first. You use your kids as an excuse not to make yourself and your goals a priority. You treat your own dreams like they can wait. And how is that working out for you? Something has got to give.

 

I’ve already given you the full monty here, I loved eating everything, resting my body, allowing the pounds to pile on and feeling free of my lifelong need to look a certain way and maintain a certain size. It was glorious for a time. But after a few months, the novelty wore off.

I had been using food & drink as a way to make myself feel good, but it was coming from the outside, in.  It was temporary, and it was at the cost of my well – being.

I started to crave the energy that came from a healthy lifestyle. That feeling of radiating energy and joy from inside out. That hadn’t just been something I’d made myself do all my life, it was part of me. And it was part of me that I was beginning to long for.

So some slow changes came into play, first I had to get my ass motivated. After nearly a year of not exercising, it was hard to get through even a simple workout. Not only was by body heavier, but it was weaker than it ever had been. My cardio was garbage, I was a beginner. It was awful. But here’s how I looked at it:

I had an opportunity to do something I could be really proud of. That was hard, but do-able, and would make me better. Here’s something I can look back on and this “I can’t believe I did that, but I’m so happy that I did.”

I’m at that place now. I’m back into most of my healthy habits and it feels so good. The real kind of good. The kind that makes me want to jump out of bed in the morning, to get to my morning movement and to enjoy a silent cup of coffee because I just like being me, in the quiet of the morning. Something I haven’t felt in a long time.

I feel like myself again and I am flying so high because of it. I am proud of myself and love my body in a whole new way. Appreciation doesn’t even begin to express for what I feel about this amazing body I’ve been gifted. I wish I could give this feeling to every woman in the world. This genuine self-love is something I’ve been seeking my whole life, and now that I’ve got it, I want to share it.

I’m hosting a 21-day Challenge, and I want you to come with me. I truly believe that the lessons we learn during pregnancy, motherhood and all that comes with it makes us better. I don’t believe that we lose ourselves in motherhood, I think it makes us who we were always meant to be, if we are willing to do the work and discover it. I am #BetterAfterBaby and I know you are, too. Which is why I designed the #BetterAfterBaby challenge just for us, the mom who needs to be reminded how good it feels to workout, just for her. For the mom who needs to eat better because it gives her more energy, and that means a happier, healthier you.

The challenge starts February 12, 21 days of workouts, self care, and commitment to looking and feeling the best of your entire life. I’ve found what works, I’ve come full circle, not just back to myself but into the version of me that no longer longs for what I had before. #BetterAfterBaby will teach you how to embrace now and feel excited about what’s to come

Sign up below and commit to the best year of your life, and the best life you’ve ever lived.

 

 

 

I’m not perfect.

I genuinely didn’t know this until the last year. That’s so embarrassing to say. But until last year, I thought I was just naturally better than everyone else. More disciplined, stronger. Better at stuff. I’m not. I’m so far from perfect.

What a relief.

I’m 30 years old and have 3 kids. 

My weight has fluctuated up and down for the last 6 years, in huge waves during and between pregnancies.

I have gone from 120’s to 180’s and back again. Many times over. Understandably. Pregnancy requires a certain change in size and weight in order to really function. At least in my body.

I’ve gained weight eating Oreos and FiveGuys burgers. Also eating soup and salad. I’ve lost weight eating 800 cals a day, and also mindfully feeding my body with delicious nutritious food.

I’ve done all the things, over the last few years. But this last year, was a whole new thing. And I didn’t get it at first. But now I know it was meant to be. Now I know why, and the lesson is becoming clear. Because I don’t believe that there is or ever will be an experience in my life that doesn’t teach me something. Every moment is an opportunity to learn.

So before I share this one with you, a little background on me.

I’ve had two miscarriages and an abortion in my time on this earth, some more traumatic than others. These experiences have made my pregnancies sacred and joyful times for me, and at times sad and mournful. Overall, I love pregnancy, birth, and everything that comes with. And I feel extremely blessed to have been able to have had each experience with it, even the ones that didn’t produce children.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I threw out all my “skinny clothes”. I knew for sure I would be fat forever after, and cleared out my closet of anything smaller than a 6 that wasn’t sleepwear.

I gained about 50 lbs in that pregnancy, and lost it all and more is less than 6 months postpartum. I did it in the worst way, and if you want to hear about that – I wrote a whole blog on it which you can read here.

The second time around, I worked out through my whole pregnancy. Ate really well and but also consumed the appropriate amount of chocolate. I kept my habits strong and square and maintained a level of fitness that made pregnancy, birth and postpartum a breeze.

The third time, my last pregnancy, with Bobby, I was experiencing chronic pain. It started about the end of the first trimester. It was so bad some days I couldn’t walk my kids to the park a block away. I had pelvic and lower back pain, despite having done everything right in my previous pp recovery. I could barely get in and out of the car some days. I would cry for hours trying to get to sleep, but for the pain. I tried exercising to improve it, I tried yoga, I tried everything. I could NOT make this pain go away. I got a support belt and just lived with it for the next 6 months.

Before this experience, I had never known pain. Not like that. That pain made me miserable. It made me depressed. It made me angry, and confused. It made me yell at my kids, and shame and blame my husband for things he had no control over.

I had never known pain before this. It was there when I woke up and there when I went to bed. Nothing helped. Most things just made it worse.

But that pain also taught me things I could never read in manuals, or learn from a mentor. As a trainer and coach, I never had much(okay, any) sympathy for clients who claimed they were in too much pain to workout. Or who said nothing helped. I never got it. Honestly, I never cared. Which I hate to say, because there were times where that mindset made me feel like now that I was in pain, no one would care about me.

I didn’t work out when I didn’t need to (I was still training clients) for almost a year. It was SO hard to get back into exercising. That habit was completely lost. Even when I tried, I had no motivation. Things I never realized before the last year:

  • It’s impossible to workout when you’re in that much pain.

  • It’s hard to get motivated when you’re out of shape.

  • Workouts are harder with extra weight on your body.

  • Habits are SO hard to form/break.

  • I’m not perfect.

  • I can still love myself even overweight.

  • I like watching tv & eating potato chips

  • I like exercising and kale better.

  • I am human.

And so many more.

I really never did appreciate what other women were going through. I never thought I would be overweight, I thought it was something I was incapable of. Like if my first pregnancy didn’t tip the scales, nothing would. I thought I was different, no – I thought I was better than other people.

I’m not. I’m the same. I’m JUST LIKE YOU. Unless you’re perfect, then I’m nothing like you.

Because I have a hard time resisting temptation these days. I have all the reasons in the world why I should watch TV instead of working out. I have a closet full of clothes that don’t fit and 3 pairs of stretchy pants that I wear so frequently they won’t make it ’til spring.

But I’m telling you, I wouldn’t trade this moment right now for anything in the world, because I have an amazing opportunity in front of me.

I can lose this weight. I can regain my habits. I can become Supermom again.

I can come back from this year, and I can share it with you. I can prove to myself that I’m more. I can tell you all about how awful and awesome every step is and maybe, just maybe, I can help you on your journey. That would be pretty cool right? For us to be in this together.

The worst part of the last year was feeling alone. Feeling the the only one. Feeling like I didn’t belong in the role of personal trainer because I didn’t act like one. The feeling of being so other, so different made me sad and lonely.

And then I shared, and all these women started to tell me their stories too. Like I’m not alone. I’m normal. I’m so painfully normal. I’m so beautifully accepted by these women who are normal and imperfect like me.

How lucky am I?

That feeling I got, knowing I wasn’t alone, that’s the feeling I want to bring to all women. Safety. That’s why I’m sharing my journey. Cause I did it alone for too long. Not only does it suck, it never works.

We are meant to be in this together.